answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
