im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
