FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
