At least make sure they are 18
Why
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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