Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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