I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
