ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
