I will die if light touches me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
