dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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