I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
