Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
