The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
