I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
