"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
