He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
