yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
