Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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