awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
