This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
