just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
