How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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