He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
