Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
