today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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