Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
