haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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