this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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