The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
