Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
