R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
