tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
