So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
