imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
