Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
These tits shall not be calmed
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