We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
