Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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