awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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