hotel room ftw
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
