So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
