Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
