Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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