She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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