i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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