Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
