Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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