I cockslap morals
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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