Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
