Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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