Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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