Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
