We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
