DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
