you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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